We are the lucky ones

Fabulous news, everyone! The boys have been at daycare for two whole days so far (last Tuesday and Thursday) and Grant had a cold within 48 hours of darkening the door of the place. And being the loving and generous little tyke he is, he has shared it with Dave and me. Ahhh, it brings back memories of when they were in daycare full-time and seemed to juggle one ailment after another.

We went to a free festival at a local church on Saturday and it was a nice little diversion and most importantly it got us all out of the house. I’ve never gotten so many comments about the boys before, and while they were harmless and well-intentioned I was glad the boys are still too young to understand. Dave and I are fair-skinned and fair-haired so we definitely garnered some attention pushing around our double stroller.

I think I handled all the questions fine, but Dave and I have to work on how we’re going to respond as the boys get older. They are going to look to us to see how we respond and this is going to help them form their opinions about themselves, their birth country and birth family, and their adoption in general.

One lady came up and blurted out, “Where are they from?” and “How old were they when you got ‘em?” There is so much negative and erroneous information in the media about Guatemalan adoptions these days that it’s hard not to be on guard as to people’s intentions. I truly think all the intentions on Saturday were good, but again, it’s hard. After NPR’s one-sided and completely ridiculous story that claimed anyone can write a check for XX,000 dollars (I’m leaving out the first two numbers just because) and bring home a Guatemalan baby, I’ve been seeing red. I’ll blog about my adoption experiences another time.

The conversation that bugged me most was, again, from a well-intentioned, very nice woman. Here are some of the questions she asked… Are they twins? Brothers? Where are they from? Then came what I’m glad the boys can’t understand yet…
Woman: Thank you. (This was sad very seriously and solemnly and with her grasping my hand)
Me: (puzzled look)
Woman: Thank you. For adopting them and giving them a loving home.
Me: We are the ones who are thankful. They are the best blessing we could ever have dreamed of.
Woman: No, I mean what a wonderful life they have compared to what they would have had. You’ve given them so much. It’s really wonderful and they are so lucky.
Me: Well, we are the lucky ones.

Sometimes people who don’t have a multi-ethnic family might think we parents who have adopted children of different heritage than ours overreact and make a bigger deal of conversations like this. But we have to take seriously the impact on our kids of repeated conversations that point out how our kids and family are different. Our boys aren’t charity cases. They are simply children who, like all children, are entitled to the best life they can possibly have, whether it’s here or in Guatemala or in Timbuktu.